“Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins” – A Response

A little over a week ago an article from The Transformed Wife went viral. It was called, “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.” It created quite a stir. I’ve read many of the comments (too many), and listened in on the debates. I’m diving in now to rewrite each point in the article. Ready?

  1. Debt: Christians prefer spouses whose debt has been paid by Christ. “Having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:14)
  2. Virginity: Christians prefer spouses whose purity has been purchased by the blood of Christ. “That He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:27)
  3. Tattoos: Christians prefer spouses with the gospel tattooed on their hearts. “This one will say, ‘I am the Lord’s; and that one will call on the name of Jacob; And another will write on his hand, ‘Belonging to the Lord.’” (Isaiah 44:5)

Christians prefer Christians. Let the gospel define your expectations. And your worth.

Want more practical, gospel-centered encouragement? Check out these books by Sara Wallace:


“For the Love of Discipline: When the Gospel Meets Tantrums and Time-Outs”
“I have read SO many parenting books- and it seems they fall into one of two camps: practical advice or a theological perspective, and so often I felt like they didn’t apply to the little years. This book is my new favorite on the subject of discipline because Sara beautifully addresses both: the heart behind the discipline and the practical tips and how to, sharing stories and examples from her own life as a mother of 5 boys.” – Ashley.


“The Gospel-Centered Mom”
“An excellent book for moms who want to be challenged to be more like Christ in their parenting. Helpful, bright, and it comes with a pen too! I highly recommend this!” – Brandi
Grab your copy for your next personal devotional study, or do it with a group of friends!

2 thoughts on ““Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins” – A Response

  1. Sara,
    What a graceful and tasteful response to that article, which saddened me to read. I eagerly await your new posts because I am very like minded with you. May we all find our worth in Jesus alone, and May we strive to love others like He did, with no preferences or partialities.


  2. It seems pretty clear that the overall point of this re-write is: Christians prefer spouses whose identity is in Christ alone. (“Should prefer”? is the “should” implied… or not?) In that way, it meets its goal of correcting the “Men Prefer…” blog. Who knows exactly what kind of spouses Christians actually prefer; that’d be an overwhelming sociological study. The Word does forbid Christians from marrying non-Christians; Indeed, Christians should prefer a spouse whose identity is in Christ… that is to say, who is a Christian. The only relevant point this re-write neglects to make explicit is that Jesus freely chose His Bride; He chose not because of merit; He chose without the assistance of His bride (or any other human). Jesus didn’t chose His spouse – he didn’t choose me – for any of the reasons listed in this re-write OR in the original blog. It’s just the opposite: Jesus chose me while I was in debt, while i was impure, while I was marked by the world. The Grace of Christ is this: Jesus sees that we have nothing to offer but debt, impurity, wordiness; He sees that we can not and will not ever change; He sees that we will never be able to repay Him what He gives to us… and He chooses us unconditionally anyway. Just ’cause. (I think this exactly the point of this re-write, even though it’s not explicitly stated in this manner.) To most closely follow the leading of our King Jesus, to most live out the Gospel in marriage choices, Christians should prefer a spouse based only on what the Word teaches – and on nothing else.
    Neither “I chose you because your purity is purchased by the blood…”
    Nor “I refuse you because your purity is not, or isn’t yet, purchased by the blood…” Is the same as “I choose you just ’cause.”


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